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You Dance, I'll Hold Your Stuff.

You Dance, I'll Hold Your Stuff I'm Sam. I'm probably way older than you are. If the idea of someone over 35 being on Tumblr gives you the heebie-jeebies, don't follow me, m'kay? I'm a gay ftm guy who is composed entirely of rainbows, glitter, and optimistic cynicism. I like porn. I reblog eet on occasion. Glee owns my heart, as do Klaine, Chris Colfer, and Darren Criss. I'm a firm believer in "ship and let ship", so there will be no "my ____ is better than your ____" here. I write stuff. (Got a page with links and everything!). Not a spoiler-free blog, but I will tag spoilers appropriately. Also, NSFW stuff will appear. (I also say "fuck" a lot.) Old URL's include: Coffeeismyhigherpower and Christophercolferismyhigherpower. Currently, I'm riding high on Glasses!Chris--hence bespectacledcolfer.
Apr 8 '13

What’s up with Sam? (The Depression Chronicles)

Um, trigger warnings below. Why? Depression. Fucking depression.

Hi sweetie pies! I’ve been absent. Yep. Here’s why: I got to a point the other morning when I realized that I need more help for this depression than I’ve been getting. I reached out for help, and am starting an intensive Outpatient Day Hospital Program tomorrow. That will mean early mornings, no work for a few weeks, and 7 hours of therapy/psychiatrist visits Mon-Fri for a bit. Not sure for how long and all of that good stuff—I just know that I’m not okay. I desperately want to be okay. I haven’t been myself for over a month, and that’s more than long enough. 

So. Tomorrow. I’m scared and nervous and all of that stuff…BUT, I also want to keep fighting. I just need more support than bi-weekly visits with a therapist and Dr. I need a team. One that grabs me by the shoulders and leads me in the way of recovery. I have tried the best I can on my own, and know that I need to call out the troops. 

I’ll be around. Keep everything crossed for me? If I could press a magic button, and just be better? I so would. But, I can’t. The work begins tomorrow, man, I can’t wait to be back.



  1. newleasemylove said: sending you all the love, bb. *cuddles*
  2. quietmouse said: *HUGS*
  3. thismomentasmylast said: Sam, you are a hero. I hope this helps and you get the help you need and you know we’ll all be here when you get back. *hugshugshugs*
  4. poeticprinciple said: *saves a seat next to him for when you return* I’m proud of you, Sam! You have so many who care for you here, and we’re all cheering you on. See you around soon, dear boy. I’ll make popcorn and you can sit in the seat I’ve saved. <3
  5. wintry-mix said: How extraordinary you are, Sam. It takes real courage to seek help, and I’m honored that you shared this with us.
  6. anxioussquirrel said: I’m sending hugs and good thoughts your way. Take care! *hugs*
  7. shesanoddoneisntshe said: The hug-giest of hugs to you, with all my love and support. <3
  8. bordering-on-the-avant-garde said: thinking of you <3
  9. nadiacreek said: I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I hope this is what you need to turn things around. All the hugs, always.
  10. lurkdusoleil said: Here for you always *hugs*
  11. glassophelia said: I love you. Good thoughts. You are strong and wonderful and can do this. LOVE!
  12. unscriptedmonologues said: Sending strength and love, Sam. Be well, my friend. x
  13. nachochang said: So proud of you. Best of luck sweetheart. Baby steps. :)
  14. elanorthefair said: *hug* You are strong and brave, my friend. I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself like that. I love you and I hope it all goes well; Like Chris said “Anyone who helps themselves is a hero in my book.”
  15. athoroughlycommonpotato said: Good luck dear! Wishing you all the best!
  16. ladyybird said: I love you and I’ll be thinking about you and sending you all kind of love and positive vibes! I’m so proud and glad for you that you’re doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. You are strong and brave and wonderful my love XOX
  17. thetimesinbetween reblogged this from bespectacledcolfer and added:
    So, I don’t think I’ve talked with you before, but I’ve been admiring you from afar for at least a year. And this here...
  18. fleurdelisee said: I love you and all my thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. You’re already on your way to recovery because you had the courage to seek help. *hugs*
  19. likearumchocolatesouffle said: *hugs hugs hugs!* I’m so glad you’re getting the help you need, and that you have access to all that good stuff, and that you had the self-awareness and courage to ask for it! Thank you for keeping the Tumblrs informed! <3 <3
  20. teiledesganzen said: *sending good thoughts your way* May you find your way back to yourself soon.
  21. devonwood said: I’m sending warm wishes your way, Sam!
  22. captainjaxsparrow said: take care of yourself, sam! hoping all the best for you. xoxo
  23. bespectacledcolfer posted this