Me (on the phone with Boyfriend): “I’m really horny and I don’t know what to do about it.” Boyfriend: “Huh. Don’t know what I can do to help you out with that.”

Reason # 2,547 that long-distance relationships can bite it sometimes.

I cut myself while shaving my face, at the same time I am bleeding from my vagina.

Yay, trans* life, yay!

Know what I DO like? Cock.

Santana / Emma - Clumsiness

telescopics:

telescopics:

“Santana!” Emma exclaimed, horrified, and ever so slightly aroused. “What is this?”

Santana pulled back, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

“Sorry Ms Pillsbury-Howel,” she replied. “I guess I just kind of tripped and fell face first into your vagina.”

oh man you guys look at this

I just

I am a literary master

I am a genius

I am the ultimate

nobody can compete with this

How does one lose a vibrator, exactly? I need it. For reasons.

decidedlydapper:

autoluminescence:

ALSO:

Haha, you and onstreetsofstars had the same idea.

So horny. So cold. So sleepy. It’s 7:24pm. I want to take a nap. 

Horny though.

Not wanting to move though.

Cold.

My life is impossibly complicated.

sleepinnude:

devonwood:

and then everything gets super worse when kurt tries to comfort blaine with sex but ends up getting cum in blaine’s good eye so he’s forced to wear two eye patches

but then things get way, way better when they discover the fantastic phenomenon of blaine’s other senses heightening in response

I’d rather get a slushie filled with razor blades AND rat poison in my eye than semen. Shit burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns, yo. It makes me wonder how I can swallow it, and suffer no ill effects—get it in my eye? SHIT, I’M BLIND. BLIND! GET THE EYE WASH! CALL THE PARAMEDICS? HAS MY EYE ACTUALLY MELTED OFF? CHECK, WILL YOU? OW!”

colfersaurusrex:

I’m thinking about Chris in the shower again.

Do you think he uses women’s shampoo because he likes the way they smell better than men’s? Kind of like how he uses Rain? Does he tend to take quick showers or long ones where he sings and meticulously cleans every inch of himself? Does he jerk off when he has time to?

When he’s done does he dry himself off and then wrap the towel around his waist? Does he draw a smiley in the condensation on the mirror? Does he lounge around in just his towel for a bit or does he immediately throw some pajamas on? I wonder what he smells like right after a shower. I wonder if his skin is a little red from all the scrubbing and if his cheeks are slightly flushed from the heat of the water. Does the water dripping from his hair bother him or does he not care?

I just have a lot of Chris in the shower feelings.

Well, my mental images just got far more interesting then they were the moment BEFORE I read this post…